As Seen On T.V.
by Norweigen Ridgeback
Summary: Daily Prophet television interviews with your favorite bad guys. A rerealease in chapter form.
1. Voldemort interview

Daily Prophet  
  
Voldemort shows his lighter side (or not)  
  
Recently one of our Daily Prophet reporters caught up to Voldemort and asked him a few questions  
  
Reporter: So um.... Mr. Voldemort, may I call you Tom?  
Voldemort: No.  
Reporter: So Tom.... I mean Lord Voldemort, what do you say to all this nonsense about people not saying your name.  
Voldemort: No comment.  
Reporter: Well obviously sir, no comment is a commment.  
Voldemort: Really?  
  
Voldemort starts to pull out his wand, but the reporter quickly moves on to the next question.  
  
Reporter: Um.... Lord Voldemort, who would you say you loathe the most.  
Voldemort: I would say those damned Azkaban guards! They wouldn't leave me alone! Not even when I was taking a piss!  
Reporter: Okay, many consider Harry Potter to be your downfall, do you agree?  
Voldemort: Who says that?  
Reporter: Everybody says that.  
Voldemort leaves the room, about a minute later, there is an explosion outside, Voldemort comes back in laughing and tells the reporter to move on to the next question.  
Reporter: Lord Voldemort, what would you do if Harry Potter walked into this room right now?  
Voldemort: Well, first I'd shove my wan right up his....  
Reporter quickly clears his throat.  
Voldemort: .... then I'd give him another scar right on his....  
Reporter: Okay, thanks for your time but we really have to go!  
  



	2. Snape interview

Daily Prophet  
  
Snape shows his lighter side (or not)  
  
Recently one of our Daily Prophet reporters caught up to Severus Snape and asked him a few questions  
  
Reporter: So, Severus, I understand you are a teacher at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, do you enjoy your job?  
Snape: No.  
Reporter: Why not?  
Snape: Because of those damned kids, that's why!  
Reporter: What have the kids ever done to you?  
Snape: What have they ever done to me? That stupid ass Neville Longbottom ruins all of my best supplies every week, and that Harry Potter and his friends are always disrupting my class, and sneaking out of their dorms at midnight waking up everybody in the school! You people wonder why I hate my job.  
Reporter: Crabby son of a bitch.  
Snape: What was that?  
Reporter: Nothing. So, um who do you loathe the most?  
Snape: That Harry Potter, I can't stand him.  
Reporter: What would you do if he walked into this room right now?  
Snape: Well, first I'd break off his limbs, so he could never play that stupid sport Quidditch anymore, and then I'd look him right in the face and tell him what a worthless peice of crap he is!  
Reporter: Well, aren't you the compassionate one.  
Snape: What?  
Reporter: Nothing. If you hate teching so much, why don't you just get a new job.  
Snape: Hey! Good idea!  
Snape rushes out of the room to find a new job.  
Reporter: thanks for tuning in folks, but we have to go, considering we have no one to interview. Jesus, what the hell was wrong with that guy? Boy did he have a problem. I'd like to... What, we're still on air? Oh sh... 


	3. Draco Malfoy interview

Daily Prophet  
  
Recently one of our Daily Prophet reporters caught up to Draco Malfoy, and asked him a few questions.  
  
Reporter: So Draco, correct me if I'm wrong, but you are currently attending Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry as a 5th year student, am I right so far?  
Draco: Whatever, let's just get this over with.  
Reporter: So, I understand you are in the same year as Harry Potter, what an honor that must be!  
Draco: No comment.  
Reporter: I get a lot of those. Um, do you like your school?  
Draco: No.  
Reporter: Why not?  
Draco: Because that stupid, famous 'Dumbledore's pet' Harry Potter goes there.  
Reporter: So I take it you're not to fond of Harry Potter then.  
Draco: You bet your ass! I hate the bastard!  
Reporter: I wonder if this kid's related to Snape?  
Draco: What was that?  
Reporter: Just what do they teach you at that school? It can't be good language.  
Draco: What? You think I have a bad mouth you f*cking asshole!  
Reporter stifles a laugh.  
Reporter: Oh, no of course not. So um, I ask this to everybody but, who do you loathe the most?  
Draco: I already told you, are you deaf or something?  
Reporter: Well, what would you do if he walked in this room right now?  
Draco: I'd look him in the eye and tell him what an asshole he really is, and then I'd beat him to death! I hope your watching right now Potter.  
Draco flips off the camera.  
Reporter: Okay, Thanks for your time, but we have to go before this gets to graphic.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Lucious Malfoy interview

Daily Prophet  
  
Recently one of our Daily Prophet reporters caught up to Lucious Malfoy, and asked him a few questions.  
  
Reporter: So Lucious, you used to work at the Ministry of Magic, correct?  
Lucious: Yeah, along with that stupid ass Arthur Weasley.  
Reporter: Did you enjoy your job?  
Lucious: Sure, until that stupid Harry Potter lost it for me.  
Reporter: So what are you doing now?  
Lucious: I'm currently working over at King's Cross Station.  
Reporter: What do you do there.  
Lucious: I take the tickets from the people.  
Reporter: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  
Lucious: Why are you laughing? It's a high paying job!  
Reporter: What do you get paid, a knut every hour? HA HA HA HA!  
Lucious: Stop laughing at me!   
Reporter: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  
Lucious: I'll get my son in here, and you know he's not stable.  
Reporter: Bring your son? You wouldn't do that would you?  
Lucious gives reporter a nasty grin.  
Lucious: Draco! Draco come in!  
Draco Malfoy walks in the room.  
Draco: Yes father?   
Lucious: Beat that man up for me.  
Draco gets the same nasty grin. Walks over to the reporter and starts to beat him up.   
Reporter: Ow, ooh, ouch, stop, no, stop, oooooooooooooohhhhhhhh.  
Lucious: Draco, what did I tell you about hitting people there?  
Draco: You're not the boss of me.  
Lucious stands up.  
Lucious: Yes I am, I'm your father!  
Draco walks over and hits Lucious in the marbles too.  
Draco: From now on, this is my studio! HA HA HA HA HA HA!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
